The Thursday Night Dinner Song: Burrito

By/Misc. Fun/August 3, 2020

As part of my promise to be an endlessly amusing source of food arcania, here is my pledge to you: each Thursday night I will write, perform and record a song for you about what I ate for dinner.

今晚的选择称为“墨西哥卷饼”，需要您的两件事：

1. iTunes. I think you need iTunes to play it because my computer (a beautiful Apple) only records things in m4a format, not mp3.

2. The willingness to download it by following this link:

http://homepage.mac.com/adrober/.cv/adrober/public/burrito%20song.m4a-binhex.hqx

Believe me, it will be very much worth your while. The Burrito song is an instant classic, inspiring Burrito eaters everywhere to join together in song. Hope you will too.

PS If anyone can tell me how to (a) convert an m4a into an mp3 and (b) how to post the song directly on to this page, I will be eternally grateful.

A Salmon Sandwich Scandal

By/故事和咆哮/August 3, 2020

I love Alon’s Bakery in the Virginia Highlands. I go there way too often, so much so that the staff eye me suspiciously each time I come through the door.

“他回来了？”

“What’s his problem?”

One employee, though–Cheryl–holds me in special regard.

“粘土艾肯！”她大喊，每当我走过门时。

I duck my head down but it’s no use.

她说：“嘿，克莱·艾肯（Clay Aiken），您对美国偶像的新季节感到兴奋吗？”

I nod and quickly order my sandwich.

阿隆的两个最好的三明治是鸡肉香蒜酱和烤牛肉。第一个是真正的好面包，带有香蒜酱（duh）和一片瑞士奶酪。第二个也是在好面包上，带有非常令人难以置信的唇彩蛋黄酱蛋黄酱。

And then there’s the salmon sandwich. The salmon sandwich is good, don’t get me wrong. A piece of broiled or baked salmon (not sure which) coated in black sesame seeds is served on foccacia bread with a Thai peanut sauce. It is the most expensive sandwich on the menu (almost $9, I think) and I order it when I am sick of chicken and roast beef.

Today I was sick of chicken and roast beef. I ordered my salmon sandwich and, after a rousing rendition of “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” escaped my adoring fans and went to eat outside.

Here are my problems with the Alon’s Bakery salmon sandwich:

– the bread is so thick and the piece of salmon so small, it’s like you’re basically eating a bread sandwich with a salmon garnish.

——他们削减的方式让鲑鱼滑动和slide around so that, ultimately, with each bite you wedge the salmon out further and further. Today it fell splalt on to the paper in my lap. Good thing I had paper on my lap.

– It’s a terrible value. With the chicken and roast beef you get bang for your buck. Here you get a tiny piece of salmon, some sprouts, and a lot of bread.

In conclusion, when going to Alon’s, stick to chicken and roast beef. The salmon just doesn’t float.

Behind The Scenes: A Flour-Flecked Foto Shoot

By/Misc. Fun/August 3, 2020

正如你们中许多人可能注意到的那样，屏幕上右上角的面粉涂覆的神实际上是您的业余美食。金博宝下载

但是，我敢肯定，你们中的许多人都想知道：还有更多这样的照片吗？在亚瑟王面粉中涂有性感的犹太人的主题的更多变体？我们可以偏爱这样的照片吗？

Alas, you shall. Welcome to a behind the scenes look at the making of The Amateur Gourmet. Please welcome our very special guest host, Tony Danza.

Hi: I’m Tony Danza. You may remember me from such popular sitcoms as “Who’s The Boss?” and “Taxi.”

The photograph you are enjoying in the upper right hand corner of your screen was constructed on the night of January 13th, 2004 by the very drunk, very assertive roommate of The Amateur Gourmet: Lauren S.

“Hair! Let me fix your hair!” she shouted, as The Amateur Gourmet ambled over.

“那是托尼·丹扎吗？”他问，我点了点头。

“Now take this bag of flour,” Lauren instructed The Amateur Gourmet, “and throw some on your face.”

金博宝下载业余美食会警惕地回头。我拍了一张照片。

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“Do it!” Lauren yelled, throwing back a shot of Jack Daniels and cracking a whip.

He did and I took another picture:

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What followed were some of the most disturbing, emotionally scarring moments of my life. Hell, I once walked in on Mona naked during the “Angela Has An Abortion” episode of “Who’s The Boss?” and even that wasn’t half as scarring as witnessing this travesty of photographic injustice.

金博宝下载业余美食要求您发表评论，说明他是否应该在右上角留下他的“上帝般”（在非丹萨的意义上），还是用其中一个对不起的标本代替。无论哪种方式，这都是托尼·丹兹（Tony Danzy）说：“哟安吉拉！”

And now for the pictures:

Picture One: “Detatchable Jaw”

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Picture Two: “This Tastes Icky”

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Picture Three: “Ooops”

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Picture Four: “Lauren Shares Her Jack Daniels”

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Which is your favorite? Vote now!

Lisa and Olives: Round One

By/Friends & Family/August 3, 2020

My friend Lisa G. of Cincinnatti, Ohio currently resides in Manhattan, NY and enjoys a diet of vegetarian hot dogs, couscous and little chocolate penguins that I bought her for her birthday. Disturbingly absent from her diet is, to quote Thomas Edison, “the richest gift of heaven”; the sacred staple of Mediterranean cuisine and Martini glasses everywhere: the olive.

丽莎,despite her better qualities, seems to think of this distaste not as a flaw but as a highly unique aspect of her quirky, esoteric appetite. In other words: Lisa is wrong.

I have attempted to engage Lisa in a discussion concerning her and her shameless aversion to mother nature’s nipples. (Sorry, that was grotesque, but it made me laugh). This morning I wrote Lisa an e-mail asking her to answer the simple question: “Why don’t you like olives?”

In her curt and highly offensive reply, Lisa wrote: “I would love to engage in a discussion about olives. At this time, I have some work I should be doing and thus I will not be able to start the process immediately, but when I am home and snug in my pajamas on my futon, I will be more than happy to sign in and start the fun. Thank you for including me in your oliverific endeavors.”

显然Lisa’s priorities are out of whack and clearly #2: Lisa is a liar liar pants on fire! As per the first claim: what kind of self-respecting radio executive with her own computer and her own access to the internet chooses to do real work when they can write about olives? And second of all, it is 11:53 PM and chances are that Lisa has already gone to sleep and has clearly not (a) sat on any futon, (b) signed on to any internet, or (c) started any fun.

I believe, unless I am mistaken, that I win round one by default. Olives are good.

Martha Stewart’s Pecan Chocolate Chunk White Chocolate Chip Cookies

By/饼干,Desserts,金博宝188bet/August 3, 2020

So despite my self-proclaimed ineptitude in the kitchen, I do have a knack for all things sweet and desserty. I’m a baker, not a fighter.

One of my favorite cookie recipes comes from America’s most beloved white collar criminals / domestic goddesses, Marthalicious Stewart. Available on her website for no charge (or the occassional insider trading tip) you will find the recipe for some wonderfully delicious cookies. I served these cookies to friends this weekend and their reactions were as follows:

“Mmmm!”

“Ohhhh!”

“惠海！”

显然，这些是一些非常好的饼干。由于发布了实际食谱可能会给业余美食带来法律麻烦（尽管在法学院学习了三年，但不知道法律实际上是如何工作的），这是链接：金博宝下载

http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe3472&search=true&resultNo=3

而且，为了您的观看乐趣，有些图片：

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The Birth of an Amateur Icon

By/Housekeeping/August 3, 2020

您厌倦了能力吗？

Of food blogs run by competent people with flawless track records and no history of salmonella?

您厌倦了没有沙门氏菌吗？

您来对地方了。

I’m The Amateur Gourmet: a completely untrained, unaccomplished culinary lout with absolutely no expertise in anything having to do with food. I have an immature palate, an understocked pantry and a penchant for purchasing food that’s already been prepared. In my defense, I watch Martha Stewart religiously.

Why, then–you may be wondering–have I sired a website dedicated to food? Mightn’t I have sired a website seeking the removal of the word “sire” from everyday parlance? Removing “parlance” from the parlance as well?

The answer is easy. Despite my lack of knowledge, I have a great deal of curiosity when it comes to all things food related. A piddling passion, so to speak. My friends, unfortunately, think this is silly.

“This is silly,” my friends say. “Can’t you focus on something interesting? Like trashy romance novels?”

[In their defense, my friends have a trashy romance novel reading club. On second thought, that doesn’t really work in their defense.]

但是我的激情是持久的。我已经several meaningful contributions on established food sites like Chowhound and eGullet. The time has come for a forum of my own. A place where I can hang my hat and say: “Thanks for holding my hat.” And I think this is it.

The Amateur Gourmet (that’s me) has three major goals with his site:

目标1：鼓励年轻人（2至7岁）在非常好的餐厅用餐。年轻的美国人（包括戴维·鲍伊（David Bowie））常常将美食作为父母所做的事情。他们没有意识到一顿非常美味的饭菜多么令人兴奋和令人振奋。因此，业余美金博宝下载食将以题为“青年文化的用餐”为特色，在其中他将毫无戒心的同伴带到了不错的餐厅，以极大的，几乎令人讨厌的细节讲述了体验。

Goal #2: To encourage young people to cook more. Using my digital camera and my stove, I will serve as your very own private Lewis and/or Clark; stalking my way across the knotty kitchen terrain, attempting recipes your own mother wouldn’t dare and then reporting back. Hopefully, you will be so inspired by my derring-do that you will drop the computer you’re reading this on and go cook something yourself. (NOTE: I am not responsible for any dropped computers).

Goal #3: To become an internet phenomenon. Look, I’m not going to lie. I’m a third year law student without any desire to practice law. When people ask me what I’m doing next year, I stare at them dumbly and mumble hoping they think I’ve swallowed a chromosome. The truth is that the one thing I’m good at, the one thing that I care most about is writing. And this website allows me the opportunity to wrap my words around something that we all care enough about to do several times a day: masturbation. I mean: food consumption. Thus, my third goal is selfish. Love me, love me, love me!

We have now reached the end of my long, eye-numbing introduction. Hungry yet? I hope you will join me in making The Amateur Gourmet the greatest website the internet has ever known. Please post comments in the comments section and forward the site on to your friends. Happy Reading!

Sincerely,

金博宝下载

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